Family
What does family mean to you? Take a minute to maybe write down your own definition of a family. If you compare your definition with others, you would find both similarities and differences. For example, would your definition of family include:
- A friend or neighbor who is not a blood or legal relative
- An adopted or foster child
- Children who were once step-siblings after the remarried couple divorces
- A married couple without children
- A person who cannot live independently on their own
- A sibling who married outside the family’s religious faith and/or race
- A beloved family dog or cat
- The spouse of a deceased friend
You might be surprised to learn how others respond to these different family types. In fact, you might be surprised at how you
respond. What would be your reasoning
for including a particular family type or leaving them out? Defining who
is and is not family is foundational to your identity, communication, and how you live your life.
My personal definition of "family" includes all of the above. I would consider opening my home to a close friend or neighbor who might have lost their home to weather or fire related circumstances. An adopted or foster child that I have grown to love. Children who were once step-siblings and have no where else to turn (Lolly & I have one of those). A married couple with or without children who have lost everything and needs help. A person who cannot live independently on their own. I would not turn away a sibling who married outside my or the family’s religious faith or race. Inclusion of those who need help into my "family", whether or not they are "blood" relatives, is part of my belief, faith and trust in God.
Rather than simply defining family by a dictionary definition, each
individual should look to define a family by their own standards. You
can have several families in your lifetime, even several families at
once if you choose, such as your spouse's family, your "blood" family, work family or family of friends. Regardless of how you define your family unit,
whether traditional or unique, your definition is of the family unit
that works for you. As the saying goes, "Family is what you make it."
Whether made up of blood relatives, friends, pets, or a combination of
these, your family can offer you the support you need to thrive.
Part of navigating life’s many challenges, finding and being welcomed
as part of a family is one of our most central needs and a gift we can offer to
others. We also take comfort in knowing there is no one way to be a
family. This knowledge helps us understand and appreciate families in
all their breadth and richness as they develop and change over the
course of time. Rather than put up roadblocks, we all have an
opportunity to benefit, learn from, and support families among our neighbors, community members, and among our own household and extended
family.
There is no perfect family, we do not have perfect parents, we do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children. We sometimes complain about each other. We sometimes offend one another. We are sometimes disappointed with each other. Yes for so many reasons at various times we find it hard to get along with one another. For these reasons, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness. Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offense or who is the offender. Without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil. Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy. Forgiveness is the healer of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart.
No sin is too big to be forgiven. He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul and can not have communion with God. Unforgiving is Evil and a poison that intoxicates and kills the one who refuses to forgive. Keeping forgiveness in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.
The family must be a place of life and not a place of death; a place of forgiveness, a place of paradise and not a place of hell; A healing territory and not a disease; an internship of forgiveness and not guilt. Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of Healing where sorrow has caused disease.
A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. It must be a place of welcome not a place of rejection. Shame to those who plant evil about others. The individuals who form a family are not enemies. When anyone in a family is going through a challenge they need support of others in that family.
Home
What
images does your mind conjure up when you think of home? The house
where you grew up? Family? Friends? A city or town? The house where you
presently live? Or is home a state of mind?
When I think of home I think of love. It is where I get love and give love, freely with
no strings attached. Home to me, is not a “place” it is a
collective group of personal attitudes and emotions from the people around me that accept me and my life as it is,
with no apologies, no expectations and requiring no changes.
Home
is a feeling of belonging, where my beliefs are not held against me;
where my action or inaction are not judged; where my words are not
manipulated or taken out of context. It's a place of peace and happiness
and a reflection of my identity.
Home is a place of caring and sharing. Caring that comes from the heart, based on God's love for us and our sharing of that love with those around us. Home is a place of caring and sharing with no expectations, judgements of past or present life experiences or restrictions.
My
concept of home has been shaped by culture, both my wife's culture and
mine, along with our families and experiences. Home is a
place where I can reflect on the past, a place where I can talk about
the present without fear of judgement, retribution or resentment and a place to dream about the future. Home is
that little slice of paradise that is completely my own. Home is also
something I am willing to share with those who try to understand me and
my life without judgement or resentment.
Home is a place where "love your neighbor" is a way of life, not just a commandment we say should be followed. I've grown to adopt a sharing way of life. It's closer to the path that Jesus took when he walked the earth. It has made me and the people around me more tolerant of each other and more joyful.
My wife and I are under 2 Flags, from 2 Countries, of 2 Cultures, but of 1 Heart. Families should also be of one heart and that heart should be nurtured through love, respect for each other, caring for each other and sharing that love, respect and caring with all those we come in contact with. In my heart, mind and soul, family and home are both one and the same. Family is not people, Home is not a place; they are both feelings and emotions that are born out of respect, love and caring.
My "Special" Home
Most
of the places I called "home" in my younger years have changed so much,
I probably would not recognize them today and in many of those places,
the memories have faded with the changes. When you move around a lot, a
move tends to turn a former home into just a place you used to live. But there
is one "home" that has resisted that change to being just a place, a home that
although I miss it, I can never go back to.
That's
because it isn't a "place" its a feeling inside of me, a feeling from
my soul. That "feeling" is made up of many different things. Its working
my butt off for 3 or 4 days with no sleep, when I did sleep it was in
my workspace or battle-station in a rickety old chair, kicked back on a
workbench with my feet propped up on a stool; it's living on coffee and
mid-rats for months at a time; Its bracing for incoming rounds; its
standing inspection in the blazing heat on the flight-deck of a carrier;
its underway replenishment working parties and 24 hour flight ops; its
trying to make your way from one workspace to another during a cat 4
hurricane. Then just when I felt myself wilting to the deck from
exhaustion, not caring about anything, a friend shoves a cup of coffee
in my hand offers me a cigarette and tells me to take a break on the
fantail.
The fantail is a special place on a ship. Especially at night when the stars are out. Its quiet, so quiet you can hear the silence of the sea.
The fantail is for thinking and dreaming, sometimes they are both the
same. The fantail rejuvenates you like nothing else, after about 10
minutes I was always ready to jump into the chaos of the next
catastrophe.
Shipboard
life is different from every thing else, it can't be explained, it can
only be experienced and once experienced, it never leaves you. You hate
it because of the endless work, hard and rough times but you also love
it with a love that can not be explained. Again, it can only be felt. Sometimes
I think that if I was asked, I'd go back but I know that would be
wrong. At my age, I would not be able to keep up with the younger
sailors, I would be a burden and I just could not do that to a shipmate.
Nothing can compare with being on a warship headed for enemy lines. ...
And you haven't lived until you've lived through a WestPac Liberty.
President John F. Kennedy at the commissioning ceremony of the USS Oriskany said:"I
can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in
this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can
respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction, I served in the United States Navy."
I agree.
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