Family and Home

 Family

What does family mean to you? Take a minute to maybe write down your own definition of a family. If you compare your definition with others, I'm sure you will find both similarities and differences. For example, would your definition of family include:

1. A friend or neighbor who is not a blood or legal relative (maybe a close friend who lost their house and all their belongings in a storm)
   
2. An adopted or foster child
3. Children who were once step-siblings after the remarried couple divorces
4. A married couple (relative or close friend) without children
5. A relative or close friend who cannot live independently on their own
   
6. A sibling who married outside the family’s religious faith and/or race
   
7. A beloved family dog or cat
8. The spouse of a deceased relative or friend
   

You might be surprised to learn how others respond to these different family types. In fact, you might be surprised at how you respond. What would be your reasoning for including a particular family type or leaving them out? Defining who is and is not family is foundational to your identity, communication, and how you live your life. 

 

My personal definition of "family" includes all of the above. I would consider opening my home to a close friend or neighbor who might have lost their home to weather or fire related circumstances. An adopted or foster child that I have grown to love. Children who were once step-siblings and have no where else to turn (Lolly & I have one of those). A married couple with or without children who have lost everything and needs help. A person who cannot live independently on their own. I would not turn away a sibling who married outside my or the family’s religious faith or race. Inclusion of those who need help into my "family", whether or not they are "blood" relatives, is part of my belief, faith and trust in God. 

 

Rather than simply defining family by a dictionary definition, each individual should look to define a family by their own standards. You can have several families in your lifetime, even several families at once if you choose, such as your spouse's family, your "blood" family, work family or family of friends.  Regardless of how you define your family unit, whether traditional or unique, your definition is of the family unit that works for you. As the saying goes, "Family is what you make it." Whether made up of blood relatives, friends, pets, or a combination of these, your family can offer you the support you need to thrive.

Part of navigating life’s many challenges, finding and being welcomed as part of a family is one of our most central needs and a gift we can offer to others. We also take comfort in knowing there is no one way to be a family. This knowledge helps us understand and appreciate families in all their breadth and richness as they develop and change over the course of time. Rather than put up roadblocks, we all have an opportunity to benefit, learn from, and support families among our neighbors, community members, and among our own household and extended family. 

There is no perfect family, we do not have perfect parents, we do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children. We sometimes complain about each other. We sometimes offend one another. We are sometimes disappointed with each other. Yes for so many reasons at various times we find it hard to get along with one another. For these reasons, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness. Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offense or who is the offender. Without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil. Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy.  Forgiveness is the healer of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart. 

 

No sin is too big to be forgiven. He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul  and can not have communion with God. Unforgiving is Evil and a poison that intoxicates and kills the one who refuses to forgive.  Keeping forgiveness  in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. 

 

The family must be a place of life and not a place of death; a place of forgiveness, a place of paradise and not a place of hell; A healing territory and not a disease; an internship of forgiveness and not guilt. Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of Healing where sorrow has caused  disease. 

 

A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. It must be a place of welcome not a place of rejection. Shame to those who plant evil about others. The individuals who form a family are not enemies. When anyone in a family is going through a challenge they need support of others in that family.

Home

What images does your mind conjure up when you think of home? The house where you grew up? Family? Friends? A city or town? The house where you presently live? Or is home a state of mind?  

When I think of home I think of love. It is where I get love and give love, freely with no strings attached. Home to me, is not a “place” it is a collective group of personal attitudes and emotions from the people around me that accept me and my life as it is, with no apologies, no expectations and requiring no changes.

 

Home is a feeling of belonging, where my beliefs are not held against me; where my action or inaction are not judged; where my words are not manipulated or taken out of context. It's a place of peace and happiness and a reflection of my identity.  

 

Home is a place of caring and sharing. Caring that comes from the heart, based on God's love for us and our sharing of that love with those around us. Home is a place of caring and sharing with no expectations, judgements of past or present life experiences or restrictions.

My concept of home has been shaped by culture, both my wife's culture and mine, along with our families and experiences. Home is a place where I can reflect on the past, a place where I can talk about the present without fear of judgement, retribution or resentment and a place to dream about the future. Home is that little slice of paradise that is completely my own. Home is also something I am willing to share with those who try to understand me and my life without judgement or resentment. 

Home is a place where "love your neighbor" is a way of life, not just a commandment we say should be followed. I've grown to adopt a sharing way of life. It's closer to the path that Jesus took when he walked the earth. It has made me and the people around me more tolerant of each other and more joyful.   

My wife and I are under 2 Flags, from 2 Countries, of 2 Cultures, but of 1 Heart. Families should also be of one heart and that heart should be nurtured through love, respect for each other, caring for each other and sharing that love, respect and caring with all those we come in contact with. In my heart, mind and soul, family and home are both one and the same. Family is not people, Home is not a place; they are both feelings and emotions that are born out of respect, love and caring.  

My "Special" Home 

Most of the places I called "home" in my younger years have changed so much, I probably would not recognize them today and in many of those places, the memories have faded with the changes. When you move around a lot, a move tends to turn a former home into just a place you used to live. But there is one "home" that has resisted that change to being just a place, a home that although I miss it, I can never go back to. 

 

That's because it isn't a "place" its a feeling inside of me, a feeling from my soul. That "feeling" is made up of many different things. Its working my butt off for 3 or 4 days with no sleep, when I did sleep it was in my workspace or battle-station in a rickety old chair, kicked back on a workbench with my feet propped up on a stool; it's living on coffee and mid-rats for months at a time; Its bracing for incoming rounds; its standing inspection in the blazing heat on the flight-deck of a carrier; its underway replenishment working parties and 24 hour flight ops; its trying to make your way from one workspace to another during a cat 4 hurricane. Then just when I felt myself wilting to the deck from exhaustion, not caring about anything, a friend shoves a cup of coffee in my hand offers me a cigarette and tells me to take a break on the fantail. 

 

The fantail is a special place on a ship. Especially at night when the stars are out. Its quiet, so quiet you can hear the silence of the sea. The fantail is for thinking and dreaming, sometimes they are both the same. The fantail rejuvenates you like nothing else, after about 10 minutes I was always ready to jump into the chaos of the next catastrophe. 

Shipboard life is different from every thing else, it can't be explained, it can only be experienced and once experienced, it never leaves you. You hate it because of the endless work, hard and rough times but you also love it with a love that can not be explained. Again, it can only be felt. Sometimes I think that if I was asked, I'd go back but I know that would be wrong. At my age, I would not be able to keep up with the younger sailors, I would be a burden and I just could not do that to a shipmate. Nothing can compare with being on a warship headed for enemy lines. ... And you haven't lived until you've lived through a WestPac Liberty.

 

President John F. Kennedy at the commissioning ceremony of the USS Oriskany said:

"I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction, I served in the United States Navy."

I agree.

 

The Importance of the Family Rosary

Most of this post is taken from the booklet “Our Glorious Faith and How To Lose It” written by Fr. Hugh Thwaites, S.J. The booklet contains different stories of how we can lose our faith, but this blog post will deal only with the Holy Rosary and how it can bring us back to our glorious faith. 

 

Fr. Thwaites’ words on this subject are as follows:

 

Without delay now, I want to talk about my theme. It seems to me that a principal cause of the loss of faith is the dropping off in the practice of the family rosary.

 

In Austria, after World War II, there was a complete collapse of vocations. One year, apparently, no one at all entered the seminaries. So the bishops held a synod, to find out how it could be that this had happened. The conclusion they reached was that the war had so disrupted family life that the centuries-old practice of the rosary in the home had stopped, and had just not started up again. <Pogi's thoughts>This is my experience, too; when I stop praying the rosary,  my faith soon collapses<end>.

<Fr. Thwaites’ words >I remember someone telling me of a friend of his, a great Catholic, the pillar of the parish, whose children had all lapsed, one after the other. They had all fallen away from the sacraments and from attending Mass. So I said to him, “I wouldn’t mind betting that your friend had been brought up to recite the family rosary when he was a boy, and that his children haven’t.” The next time I saw him, he said that this was indeed true. His friend had recited the family rosary at home when he was a boy, and when he had got married and started his own family they ll said the rosary. But then, one evening when they were about to start the rosary, one of the children switched on the television, and that was that. The custom of the family rosary was dropped, and in due course, they gave up the practice of the faith.

 

After this life, that one unrebuked action will be seen to have affected the eternity of many people. God sent His Mother to Fatima to tell us that we had to say the rosary every day. There were no other prayers She asked us to say. Accordingly, we should do what She asked.

 

A layman I met once who did not say his rosary told me that he read the breviary every day. That is fine. It is what priests have to do. It is the prayer of the Church. So in a way it is better than the rosary. But it is not what Our Lady asked for. She asked for the rosary. If a mother sends her child to the shop for a bottle of milk, and he comes back instead with ice cream, is she pleased? In a way, ice cream is better than milk, but it is not what she asked for.

 

In that most holy home at Nazareth, do you think that Our Lady had to ask for anything twice? If we want in any way to be like Jesus, we must do what His Mother asks. If we do not, can we expect things to go right? We cannot with impunity disobey the Mother of God. She knows better than we the dangers of this spiritual warfare. She sees more clearly than we do the dangers that beset us. She warns us: You must say your rosary every day.

 

If the garage mechanic warns you that your car needs repairing or else it will break down, surely you would heed that warning. If the gas gauge warns you that you need more gas, do you do nothing about it? And if Our Lady comes to Fatima and tells us, not just once but six times, that we must say the rosary every day, do we disregard that warning? If we do, we have only ourselves to blame when we find that our children have lapsed from the faith.

 

I know that Fatima is only a private revelation, but nevertheless the Church has endorsed it, and that makes it rash for us to disregard it. If the Church informs us that Our Lady really did come to Fatima and tell us these things, then we must hearken to her words. It really seems to me that those Catholics who do not take Fatima seriously and say the rosary every day in their homes are very akin to the Jews who laughed at Jeremiah. If God sends us His prophets and we do not take them seriously – well, we have the whole of the Old Testament to tell us what happens as a result. But at Fatima, God sent us, not His prophets, but His Immaculate Mother. So I think that the abandonment of the family rosary is a main reason why so many Catholics have lost the faith. It seems to me that the Church of the future is going to consist solely of those families who have been faithful to the rosary. But there will be vast numbers of people whose families used to be Catholic.

 

In my work of going round visiting homes, I have seen this conclusion borne out time and again. Homes can be transformed by starting the recitation of the daily rosary. I remember a woman telling me that she could not thank me enough for having nagged her into starting it; it had united her family as never before. And I remember another home where I called. There was a strange tension there: the children were silent and the wife seemed withdrawn, but the husband was willing to start the family rosary. When I called back again a couple of months later, the atmosphere was quite different. The children were chatty and the wife was friendly, and the husband walked down the road with me afterwards and said how amazing it was that the home was so much happier.

 

One reason, I think, why the daily rosary makes for a happy home, is this. From what some possessed people have said, and from what some of the saints have said, it seems certain that demons fear the rosary. It makes their hair stand on end, so to speak. Holy water certainly drives them out, but they come back again. The daily rosary drives them out and keeps them out. It is rather like living in an old house where there are mice everywhere. The only way to get rid of them is to bring cats. If you get a couple of cats, after a week or two there simply will not be any more mice. Mice fear the very smell of cats. And in a home where the rosary is said every day, after a time the demons realize they are impotent in front of Our Lady, and go elsewhere.

 

This must be one reason why, as they say, “the family that prays together stays together.” In that home, utterly free of evil spirits, there is an atmosphere one does not find outside. In a demon-infested city like London, where I live, such a home is an oasis of God’s grace, and people find a comfort and peace there which they enjoy greatly. We human beings are not meant to live in the company of demons, but with God and with the angels and saints in heaven.

 

So, as I see it, in this effort we are making to keep the faith and pass it on, the practice of the rosary is absolutely indispensable. Whatever else a person may do, even though they go to Mass every day, they still need to say the rosary in their home. It is the medicine our Mother has told us to take, to keep our faith strong and healthy.

 

From: https://www.pamphletstoinspire.com/

 

Sound Cloud

https://soundcloud.com/pamphlets-to-inspire/joyful-mysteries-of-the-rosaries-with-meditations-by-st-padre-pio

 

Prayer to Saint Joseph for the Month of October

https://twishort.com/D1Bnc

 

Blog Post - October 6th

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