Opposites Do Attract Even After 40 Years

We met just after my 35th birthday, This year (2026) November 15 will be our 40th wedding anniversary. That means I have known Lolly for over 1/2 my life (I just turned 75). 

Every once in a while I get philosophical and look back on my life. I'm not looking for anything special, I just want to make sure that I'm going forward in the right direction, making the right choices. I have made many mistakes in my life, especially when I was younger. It seems that I learn more about life from my mistakes than from academics. I always pray that the lord will help me spot them and show me what I can learn from them. ... One thing that was not a mistake was stepping out one morning and buying a newspaper.  

We were complete opposites. We were born and raised on opposite sides of the planet. Different cultures, environments, societies, ways of life. There wasn't one common thread between us. 

The first thing I remember Lolita doing was, she made the sign of the cross. Not the habitual gesture that I see many Catholics make, Hers' was a prayer. She was going to have lunch with some old friends. When the afternoon was over, she had made a new one. 

The ugliness of war and the society I came home to had all but erased any memory I had of God, religion and church. It wasn't that God didn't exist, He existed, but I felt he just wasn't paying attention to me. I tried to quell the memories of a war that no one wanted with alcohol for almost 10 years. Doctors, pills, institutions, friends, nothing seemed to work, until that afternoon.

She was very well educated, she just received a Doctorate degree in education. I just barely made it out of high school, and I HATED school. She was very organized and meticulous, I was very unorganized and messy. 

Although we were opposites, I felt comfortable sitting across a table from her in a restaurant and walking around all the tourist spots in San Diego with her. Much later I felt more comfortable sitting next to her at Mass than I did sitting alone in a Protestant church. 

As I learned about Lolita, I also learned about myself. Ten years of sea-life and a war changed me. I had become very different than I was at age 18, and now because of Lolita, was becoming very different than when I was at 34. 

When I graduated from High School I enlisted in the Navy. The Navy sea-life turned me into an adult, the war ripped my soul from me. I was lost to God and lost to the world around me...Well, to everyone and everything except Lolita (although, she does get lost just backing out of the driveway).

Unknowingly at that time, I was learning from Lolita. Through the way she lived her life I was learning what Jesus meant when he talked of "love." A lot of things go into love. Acceptance, respect and caring are all a part of the Love that Jesus talked about. Lolita and I were very different, from birth! But we accepted our differences and respected them, whether we agreed or disagreed with it, we accepted and respected each other's lives - totally. From acceptance and respect comes caring. I was beginning to feel Lolly caring for me (she was the ONLY woman...person to ever get me to go to a Dentist...TWICE!!!!). Being a part of Lolly's life, watching how she handles the good and the bad stuff of daily life helped me to gain my soul back. 

 “Every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground.” ― Judith Thurman 

That statement is also true for places you go to only once in a while. For me, that place is the Philippines. It was the first place I went to that was "away-from-home" with a totally different culture and society. The first place where I really had to fend for myself. Its special because it was the "first." Just like my "first" ship, the Oriskany, which took me to the Philippines, again, "first." 

Today, I have a caring family there. They have accepted me the way I am, with all my faults and with all my prayers. Caring for someone forms a bond, a bond that is made from God's Love and can not be broken, even if one leaves. That "caring" is what maked leaving so hard this time.   

 "A true home is love. It is where you get love and give love, freely with no strings attached, no expectations. You can never leave true home, it goes with you everywhere you go." -- Pogi Americano

Every 5 years Lolly and I make a religious pilgrimage to somewhere to celebrate 5 more years of or wonderful marriage. Last year, we spent a few days in Washington DC and went to the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.  During our tour of the shrine I was surprised to find that the cornerstone of the shrine was a gift from Antipolo Philippines. While Lolly and I were trying to decide where to go this year ... our 40th,  I suggested a pilgrimage to Our Lady of Antipolo in her homeland. 

What is the origin of the devotion to Our Lady of Antipolo?

Once we got there, I remembered the Basilica from the early 70's when I went there with a friend. He called it the "gold" church. 

We decided to go on the first of October because that would be the best weather. It was a very long trip for both of us. Although it was very hot and humid, I enjoyed every minute of the trip. A big THANK YOU to all who made this trip so special. 

Today I thank God for every day I have with Lolly and I thank Lolly for all she has done for me.  ...I also thank the Gonzales family and all it's branches for 40 years of your caring, love and prayers. 

What Does Family Mean? (Updated 8/25/26)

What does family mean to you? Take a minute to write down your own definition of family. If you compare your definition with others, I'm sure you will find both similarities and differences. For example, would your definition of family include: 

1. A friend or neighbor who is not a blood or legal relative (maybe a close friend who lost their house and all their belongings in a storm).
2. An adopted or foster child. 
3. Children who were once step-siblings after a remarried couple divorces.
4. A married couple (relative or close friend) without children.
5. A relative or close friend who cannot live independently on their own.
6. The spouse of a deceased relative or friend.-
7. A sibling who married outside the family’s religious faith and/or race. 

You might be surprised to learn how others respond to these different family types. In fact, you might be surprised at how you respond. What would be your reasoning for including a particular family type or leaving them out? Defining who is and is not family is foundational to your identity, and has implications on how you live your life.

My personal definition of "family" includes all of the above. Inclusion of those who need help into my "family", whether or not they are "blood" relatives, has become part of my belief, faith and trust in God.

Rather than simply defining family by a dictionary definition, I define my family by my own standards, being careful when I look inward to not let local society dictate what my standards are. Instead, I look inward, deep into my soul, find love, respect, support, forgiveness and understanding; for those are the building blocks of a true family.

You can have several families in your lifetime, even several families at once if you choose, such as your spouse's family, your "blood" family, work family or family of friends. Regardless of how you define your family unit, your family should offer you the love and support you need to thrive.

As we navigate life’s many challenges, being welcomed as part of a family is one of our most central needs and a gift we can offer to others. This knowledge helps us understand and appreciate our families in all their breadth and richness as they develop and change over the course of time. Rather than put up roadblocks, we all have an opportunity to benefit, learn from, and support families among our neighbors, community members, and among our own household and extended family.

There is no perfect family, we do not have perfect parents, we do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children. We sometimes complain about each other. We sometimes offend one another. We are sometimes disappointed with each other. Yes for so many reasons at various times we find it hard to get along with one another. For these reasons, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness. Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offense or who is the offender. Without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil. Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy. Forgiveness is the healer of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart.

No sin is too big to be forgiven. He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul and can not be in communion with God. Unforgiving is Evil and a poison that intoxicates and harms the soul of the one who refuses to forgive. Keeping forgiveness in your heart, mind and soul for your family is a self-healing gesture. Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.

The family must offer respect love and happiness; not despair. A family brings healing through forgiveness and joy and replaces sorrow. A family gives support, not gossip or slander of one another. Families must offer a feeling of welcome not indifference or rejection. When anyone in a family is going through a challenge they need support of others in that family.

Family should offer love and acceptance freely with no strings attached. Family to me, is not just a group of people, it includes a collective group of personal attitudes and emotions from the people around me that accept me and my life as it is, with no apologies, no expectations and requiring no changes.

Family is a feeling of belonging, individual beliefs should not be held against each other; actions or in-actions should not be judged; words should not be manipulated or taken out of context. Family should lend a place of peace and happiness and is a reflection of it’s individuals identity.

Family is about caring and sharing. Caring that comes from the heart, based on God's love for us and our sharing of that love with those around us. Family is caring and sharing with no expectations, judgments of past or present life experiences or restrictions.

My concept of Family has been shaped by culture, both my wife's culture and mine, along with our families cultures and experiences. My concept of family has also been shaped by my past life and spiritual experiences. Family should consist of people who listen without judgment, retribution or resentment when I reflect on the past and people who allow me to dream about the future. Family is also something I am willing to share with those who try to understand me and my life without judgment or resentment.

My concept of Family is rooted in "love your neighbor" as a way of life, not just a commandment we say should be followed.

My wife and I are under 2 Flags, from 2 Countries, of 2 Cultures, but of 1 Heart. Families should also be of one heart and that heart should be nurtured through love, respect for each other, caring for each other and sharing that love, respect and caring with all those we come in contact with. In my heart, mind and soul, family is not just a group of people, it includes feelings and emotions that are born out of respect, love and caring.

My Catholic Faith teaches me how to be a man and a husband. My Faith also teaches me that we are ALL brothers and sisters of Jesus. Life would be easy if we all lived in the Garden of Eden without sin. But, we don’t live in that garden, we have to deal with the temptations of our world. Because we do not have the knowledge and strength of Jesus, we fail many of life’s challenges. Maybe we would win more challenges if we called on Jesus sooner and worked closer with our brothers and sisters in Christ.