We
met just after my 35th birthday, This year (2021) November 15 will be
our 40th wedding anniversary. That means I have known Lolly for over 1/2 my
life (I just turned 75).
Every once in a while I get philosophical and look
back on my life. I'm not looking for anything special, I just want to
make sure that I'm going forward in the right direction, making the
right choices. I have made many mistakes in my life, especially when I
was younger. It seems that I learn more about life from my mistakes than
from academics. I always pray that the lord will help me spot them and
show me what I can learn from them. ... One thing that was not a mistake
was stepping out one morning and buying a newspaper.
We
were complete opposites. We were born and raised on opposite sides of
the planet. Different cultures, environments, societies, ways of life.
There wasn't one common thread between us.
The
first thing I remember Lolita doing was, she made the sign of the
cross. Not the habitual gesture that I see many Catholics make, Her's was
a prayer. She was going to have lunch with some old friends. When the afternoon was over, she made a new one.
The ugliness of war and the society I came home to had all
but erased any memory I had of God, religion and church. It wasn't that
God didn't exist, He existed, but I felt he just wasn't paying attention
to me. I tried to quell the memories of a war that no one wanted with alcohol for almost 10 years. Doctors, pills, institutions, friends, nothing seemed to work, until that afternoon.
She
was very well educated, she just received a Doctorate degree in
education. I just barely made it out of high school, and I HATED school.
She was very organized and meticulous, I was very unorganized and messy.
Although
we were opposites, I felt comfortable sitting across a table from her
in a restaurant and walking around all the tourist spots in San Diego
with her. Much later I felt more comfortable sitting next to her at Mass
than I did sitting alone in a Protestant church.
As
I learned about Lolita, I also learned about myself. Ten years of sealife and a war changed me. I had become very
different than I was at age 18, and now because of Lolita, was becoming
very different than when I was at 34.
When
I graduated from High School I enlisted in the Navy. The Navy sealife turned me
into an adult, the war ripped my soul from me. I was lost to God and
lost to the world around me...Well, to everyone and everything except
Lolita (although, she does get lost just backing out of the driveway).
Unknowingly
at that time, I was learning from Lolita. Through the way she lived her
life I was learning what Jesus meant when he talked of "love." A lot of
things go into love. Acceptance, respect and caring are all a part of
the Love that Jesus talked about. Lolita and I were very different, from
birth! But we accepted our differences and respected them, whether we
agreed or disagreed with it, we accepted and respected each other's
lives - totally. From acceptance and respect comes caring. I was
beginning to feel Lolly caring for me (she was the ONLY woman...person
to ever get me to go to a Dentist...TWICE!!!!). Being a part of Lolly's
life, watching how she handles the good and the bad stuff of daily life
helped me to gain my soul back.
“Every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground.” ― Judith Thurman
That statement is also true for places you go to only once in a while. For me, that place is the Philippines. It was the first place I went to that was "away-from-home" with a totally different culture and society. The first place where I really had to fend for myself. Its special because it was the "first." Just like my "first" ship, the Oriskany, which took me to the Philippines, again, "first."
Today, I have a caring family there. They have accepted me the way I am, with all my faults and with all my prayers. Caring for someone forms a bond, a bond that is made from God's Love and can not be broken, even if one leaves. That "caring" is what maked leaving so hard this time.
"A true home is love. It is where you get love and give love, freely with no strings attached, no expectations. You can never leave true home, it goes with you everywhere you go." -- Pogi Americano
Every 5 years Lolly and I make a religious pilgrimage to somewhere to celebrate 5 more years of or wonderful marriage. Last year, we spent a few days in Washington DC and went to the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. During our tour of the shrine I was surprised to find that the cornerstone of the shrine was a gift from Antipolo Philippines. While Lolly and I were trying to decide where to go this year ... our 40th, I suggested a pilgrimage to Our Lady of Antipolo in her homeland.
What is the origin of the devotion to Our Lady of Antipolo?
Once we got there, I remembered the Basilica from the early 70's when I went there with a friend. He called it the "gold" church.
We decided to go on the first of October because that would be the best weather. It was a very long trip for both of us. Although it was very hot and humid, I enjoyed every minute of the trip. A big THANK YOU to all who made this trip so special.
Today I thank God for every day I have with Lolly and I thank Lolly for all she has done for me. ...I also thank the Gonzales family and all it's branches for 40 years of your caring, love and prayers.
